Stop being so reactive at work

[Macp]

When you said that you can't quit right now as that "will be financial suicide" will that change within the next few years if you carry on exactly as you are?
I'm thinking here of myself when I was stuck in the fast food outlet and the reality that it took over two years to sell the business as a going concern.
The shop did sell but represented barely a year's normal take home however the relief of stopping doing something that you couldn't stand anymore was palpable.
Realistically given my wife could see I was unhappy so our strategy as such was to bank what we could while earning and downsize to split the money over three smaller and cheaper properties.
This sounds a bit la de dah but was selling a 4 bed detached in Dorset and relocating back to Northampton where we had started and despite the glib explanation was less than straightforward and took probably about 4 years start to finish... actually, probably 11 years to date as we've just sold the second of the rental houses and down to our 3 bed semi.
I did go back to being a sparky back here in Northampton and despite being in my mid 50s could hack it however at that age you're working alongside people who look at a baldy old git and automatically assume they're carrying you, you in turn look at them with their pseudo busy lifestyle and see somebody scraping by but trying to look flash.
It's a generational thing I guess but either way I jacked in twice over 5 years of sparkying and hung up my spurs for good to now sit at home doom scrolling in my rocking chair.

Thanks for the thoughtful reply

Speaking to the wife she reminded me that next year the mortgage is paid and the car is paid off. I own my van outright, so im pleased about that too. So Potentially I could quit and do something less stressful. I have always fancied doing luxury airport transfers. Anyway if I can just find a way to control me and hang on.

 

[Macp]

Again folks this is genuinely appreciated. Just talking about this stuff helps. Although I have a supportive wife it really helps to chat with others.

 

[Stay Frosty]

Ideally pay down everything you can and then you've only got yourself and your wife to support with whatever a new job can generate.
We did have kids, they did go Uni and this while we had the takeaway so contributing to that "trapped" feeling at that time but cars were two year old fleet car auction bargains and if we moved house everything was pumped into the next one.
Pretty grim really then but you can only work with what you've got between your ears and my mindset has always been probably more cautious than it could have been.
Don't get me wrong either, I like nice things and it boils my piss when we go out in our little red Astra and get looked down and pushed out of the way by smug looking twats in their rented Range Rooney's, it is actually quite difficult to play the working class hero when so many of your brethren let the side down.

 

[Macp]

Im also a bugger for nice things but I do like a bargain too.

I have to be able to do another year, but month to month it gets worse. The two managers, if they can be called that are getting worse month to month. I am gobsmacked that the MD is still an MD. I dont want anybody fired but good grief he is just not an MD. And the sales manager is just a headless chicken !

Damn im getting wound up again

 

[Drive Wayne]

Im also a bugger for nice things but I do like a bargain too.

I have to be able to do another year, but month to month it gets worse. The two managers, if they can be called that are getting worse month to month. I am gobsmacked that the MD is still an MD. I dont want anybody fired but good grief he is just not an MD. And the sales manager is just a headless chicken !

Damn im getting wound up again

Deep breaths, aanndd relapse....

 

[Sasquatch]

The problem isnt helped that in the UK managers are usually unqualified in the field of management, and seem to think David Brent is a model to aspire to.

The Peter Principle of candidates being promoted to the level of their incompetence was first observed and studied in the 60s yet is almost universally ignored by Human Remains department. When theyre not promoting fools beyond the level of competence theyre promoting sociopaths instead.

It'd be funny if didn't have such dire consequences for those expected to actually do the work.

 

[DXX]

My partner is now working under the management of 5x failed companies that merged to try and survive, they talk about market pressures yet the competition is doing ok.
They don’t appear to realise that they were at the helm when the keel fell off in every case.
Not a British company I might add but a far more wealthy Scandinavian country where if you don’t walk into the next job of choice the Gov picks up the tab with very generous benefits.
Wealth and security in general creates complacency and the toleration of incompetence.

 

[Bigsidavies]

My input is a bit leftfield here as I've been retired for 5 years and was previously a cop for 30 years, so not really suffered the corporate stresses that you are subjected to.

Anyway, prior to retirement I made sure that I had no debts except the small remainder of my mortgage. I dropped about £30k per year, but when you stop paying so much tax esp at higher rate, stop spending on fuel to commute, lunch, coffee, 15% pension contributions etc. you'll be surprised how little you actually need to live.

You don't mention if you have any hobbies, but walking in the hills, mountain biking, hiking etc are great for mental health and fitness, and generally cost nothing. Also theres plenty of walking groups that promote men's mental health. I walk with one such group and you'd be surprised how uplifting it is.

You only get one short spot on this little planet so be happy.

What I'm saying is take stock of where you'll be financially in 12 months and how much money you need to live each month and work towards leaving and getting a job that makes you happy on a lower wage. You probably have a much greater skill set than you realise. Make an exit plan, write your skills down and have a 12 month goal. If you get something new to do then you'll not give a toss about the current job. Money doesn't make happiness, and health and happiness is much more important. It's just not worth being miserable for a few extra quid each month.

I have 2 friends who have both just left corporate jobs to pursue their hobbies/interests as careers. They have less money but are both much much happier.

Anyway, that's my random waffle, if any of it gives you food for thought then great.

 

[Macp]

The problem isnt helped that in the UK managers are usually unqualified in the field of management, and seem to think David Brent is a model to aspire to.

The Peter Principle of candidates being promoted to the level of their incompetence was first observed and studied in the 60s yet is almost universally ignored by Human Remains department. When theyre not promoting fools beyond the level of competence theyre promoting sociopaths instead.

It'd be funny if didn't have such dire consequences for those expected to actually do the work.

The sales manager was a low ranking officer in the Royal Navy, and expects every single staff member to be able to carry out the same job functions. Except he doesnt. But his people management is atrocious. Dont go to him with a problem unless you then want that problem to be something you need the computing power of NASA to deal with. The MD was a sales engineer. His tech knowledge is pretty decent to be fair. But he loves nothing more than informing you how you could have done the job you just finished. Even if it was a success, god help you if you screw it up. There is no shouting, just the glow of his condescension as he tells you how it should be done.

As i said not bad as people, but as management

 

[Macp]

My input is a bit leftfield here as I've been retired for 5 years and was previously a cop for 30 years, so not really suffered the corporate stresses that you are subjected to.

Anyway, prior to retirement I made sure that I had no debts except the small remainder of my mortgage. I dropped about £30k per year, but when you stop paying so much tax esp at higher rate, stop spending on fuel to commute, lunch, coffee, 15% pension contributions etc. you'll be surprised how little you actually need to live.

You don't mention if you have any hobbies, but walking in the hills, mountain biking, hiking etc are great for mental health and fitness, and generally cost nothing. Also theres plenty of walking groups that promote men's mental health. I walk with one such group and you'd be surprised how uplifting it is.

You only get one short spot on this little planet so be happy.

What I'm saying is take stock of where you'll be financially in 12 months and how much money you need to live each month and work towards leaving and getting a job that makes you happy on a lower wage. You probably have a much greater skill set than you realise. Make an exit plan, write your skills down and have a 12 month goal. If you get something new to do then you'll not give a toss about the current job. Money doesn't make happiness, and health and happiness is much more important. It's just not worth being miserable for a few extra quid each month.

I have 2 friends who have both just left corporate jobs to pursue their hobbies/interests as careers. They have less money but are both much much happier.

Anyway, that's my random waffle, if any of it gives you food for thought then great.

Great post thankyou

Hobbies wise well I like my hi-fi and playing vinyl. I love my ebike which I ride almost everyday. Bloody love riding into the hills into the rough stuff. Love getting behind the wheel and driving for miles although its not really a hobby. In my job I quite enjoy inspecting an electric motor returned to us under warranty to see why it failed.

Funny you should mention walking groups as I spotted one local to me who meet tomorrow evening. So I think I will get over my fear/dislike of large groups and make an effort to go.

 

[darkman884]

Flip the condescending attitude back to the management.

Suitable reposts you could use,,,,,

Talk to the hand,,,,,,etc etc.
Sue me ,,,lol
Tell someone who gives a f@#
Sounds like a you problem, etc etc .

Play them , don't get into gross misconduct situations, but push the buttons and test where the line is.

Be awkward as anything, if you're only planning another year, .

Double up on the odd days weeks off when you can perceive maximum inconvenience.

And do NOT feel guilty about your actions

 

[Macp]

Cheers @darkman884
Thats the irritating thing I seem to be concerned about my job and getting fired. But I think this goes back to my ridiculous need to feel liked. And disappointing people.

Ooh its getting deep.

 

[Salty Spuds]

Im also a bugger for nice things but I do like a bargain too.

I have to be able to do another year, but month to month it gets worse. The two managers, if they can be called that are getting worse month to month. I am gobsmacked that the MD is still an MD. I dont want anybody fired but good grief he is just not an MD. And the sales manager is just a headless chicken !

Damn im getting wound up again

Ask them for a reference. That will either bring things to a head or you’ll find out how much they really want you. Either way, you’ll know where you stand. My daughter played that card and ended up with a pay rise, fewer hours and a promotion.

 

[Bigsidavies]

Great post thankyou

Hobbies wise well I like my hi-fi and playing vinyl. I love my ebike which I ride almost everyday. Bloody love riding into the hills into the rough stuff. Love getting behind the wheel and driving for miles although its not really a hobby. In my job I quite enjoy inspecting an electric motor returned to us under warranty to see why it failed.

Funny you should mention walking groups as I spotted one local to me who meet tomorrow evening. So I think I will get over my fear/dislike of large groups and make an effort to go.

I do quite a lot of emtb rides in Wales and the Dark Peak. I love to go to the location, or nearby, the night beofre and have a nice peaceful chill out in the van and get up nice and fresh with breakfast and a brew.
As you're in Cheshire have a look at Bosden Farm Mountain Bike Group on FB. They ride mainly weekdays, but there might be some rides that are within your reach at weekends. They are a good group to ride with.
Hi fi is a good way to unwind. Love mine. Fancy a turntable myself now tbh.
Keep your chin up fella.

 

[Chippie1]

Some very wise words on this thread and @Macp its great to talk about these things and get it off your chest and not let it fester.

 

[Macp]

Ask them for a reference. That will either bring things to a head or you’ll find out how much they really want you. Either way, you’ll know where you stand. My daughter played that card and ended up with a pay rise, fewer hours and a promotion.

Thats an interesting idea but then I would be thinking what will they ask if I do, and what will I tell them.

 

[Macp]

Some very wise words on this thread and @Macp its great to talk about these things and get it off your chest and not let it fester.

Im finding it does help to open up.

 

[Salty Spuds]

Thats an interesting idea but then I would be thinking what will they ask if I do, and what will I tell them.

You’ve been approached by someone interested in employing you. You are considering your options, but in the meantime you need a reference.

 

[Macp]

I do quite a lot of emtb rides in Wales and the Dark Peak. I love to go to the location, or nearby, the night beofre and have a nice peaceful chill out in the van and get up nice and fresh with breakfast and a brew.
As you're in Cheshire have a look at Bosden Farm Mountain Bike Group on FB. They ride mainly weekdays, but there might be some rides that are within your reach at weekends. They are a good group to ride with.
Hi fi is a good way to unwind. Love mine. Fancy a turntable myself now tbh.
Keep your chin up fella.

I will look them up yes, thanks for that.

I do love hi-fi setup, and I didnt spend a lot. I bought used or end of line. But all high end.

And thanks im going to try harder to keep my chin up.

 

[ChestnutBrown]

A lot of the comments that these managers are making in your workplace appear very narcissistic. Somebody explained to me recently that this type of person isn’t ever going to care whether your response beats their criticism as they’ve already won as soon as you respond to their baiting. You’ll only win by not responding or giving them the reaction they are pushing for. I have tested this out a few times now and was amazed at how the buttons stop getting pushed when they’re not getting what they’re hoping for.

I just smile one of those smiles with a twinkle in my eye that shows that you’re happy with what you’ve achieved and there’s nothing more to be said. Strangely, the smile itself even cheers me up, despite me instigating it in a fake manner.

You can use that in any situation to change your mood. Just don’t let anyone catch you practicing it sitting there on your own.