The Jokes Thread...
- Thread starter JBLfan
- Start date
There were some lovely old Splitties in the readers rides section. 
VIP membership required.A rabbit hole? I haven’t seen that section
If Carlsberg did irony:
Nope, don't get it
I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid behind my van in the garage. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the van that I noticed a small scuff on one of my alloy wheels. Is that something I can polish out myself or do I need to take it to the alloy wheel specialists?
Well chuffed these arrived this morning
At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. Once they finish, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.
As she comes back the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”.
She confirms and asks how he knew.
“Easy, you’re always washing your hands.”
She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.”
Male doctor: “Wow, how did you guess?”
Female doctor: “I didn’t feel a thing.”
After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. Once they finish, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.
As she comes back the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”.
She confirms and asks how he knew.
“Easy, you’re always washing your hands.”
She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.”
Male doctor: “Wow, how did you guess?”
Female doctor: “I didn’t feel a thing.”
Two gynaecologists - one French and one British were discussing cases at a conference. The French gynae said to the Brit
"Just last week, I came across a cl&*^ris that was just like a lemon!"
The Brit replied - "something that size must have been really uncomfortable for the patient"
The French gynaecologist replied disdainfully - "You British - you are so hung up on size.."
Boom Boom!
"Just last week, I came across a cl&*^ris that was just like a lemon!"
The Brit replied - "something that size must have been really uncomfortable for the patient"
The French gynaecologist replied disdainfully - "You British - you are so hung up on size.."
Boom Boom!
How can you tell when your wife has died?
The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
Penalty shootout too....
